When Janette saw that she was not recovering her strength as fast as she wanted and that she was stymied from doing what she wanted whenever she wanted, she decided she was finished with trying. Janette, Aunt Jackie, our Hospice nurse supervisor and I had a long conversation that afternoon. Janette made it very clear that she does not want to try anymore. The day before she had refused all food and drink except what was necessary to take her medication for blood pressure and seizure prevention.
She is actively trying to bring her death closer and it is working.
Our family left Friday morning. We lost our continuous care coverage the same time. A nurse comes in from midnight to 8 am, so I can sleep, but other than that, it's just me. I'm the only one left with the strength to lift her out of bed and into the wheelchair and then on to whatever surface we're heading for.
Janette now has more side effects from the cancer and from not eating. She can no longer lift herself with her legs. The last 24 hours she almost is not able to shuffle her feet to pivot her body around while I'm supporting her weight. Her blood pressure is continuously high. The last 24 hours, her face turns grey when she doesn't use oxygen. Of course, she doesn't like using oxygen. She doesn't like being helped. She doesn't like being told she has to wait for me to come, but the last 24 hours she hasn't been fighting me as much or is as frustrated with me. I'm sure she doesn't have the energy anymore. And maybe she's coming to some inner peace
Most of the time since I last wrote, she's been in bed. The last two days, she's spent time on the sofa in the family room, propped up on pillows. The night nurse reports her sleep has not been so good.
And Hospice just called. Where back on continuous care. Janette's condition has deteriorated too rapidly for me to continue to do the 16 hours on my own. Hospice seems to have a shortage of nurses right now, so coverage will be a bit sporadic. But a nurse is on her way and will be here at 5 pm.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Cathy, I am so sorry you have to do this all on your own. I know Aunt Eliska and Wendy can only do so much.
ReplyDeleteI hope and pray you get hospice 24 hours soon. You are giving your mom the best care ever. Your love,patience and understanding are just so loving. Your mother is very bless to have you. I do keep in touch with Aunt Eliska about your mom and everything else. Call if you need to talk or for anything, I'm here.
Love to you all
Aunt Jackie